Illegal Pests

Share knowledge about pests
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Update: 5:28PM  The Ministry of Primary Industries feels it is important for trading countries to share information about the pest and diseases found in the country.

CHODOUS HORRIBILUS – This pest attacks members of the media, inflames racial tensions, brainwashes the ignorant, halts productivity, and if allowed to thrive, can cause economic disaster. Offspring are too weak and insignificant to survive on their own, and thus are nursery-reared for their entire lives. Chodous Horribilus tries to disguise itself as a DEMOCRATUS SUPPORTUS but is easily distinguished by its massive ego, huge undeclared foreign bank accounts, an inability to listen and constant habit of suddenly dropping everything to fly to India. It is a dangerous threat to native land, indigenous self-determination, precious metals, natural resources, economic viability, national sovereignty and indigenous rights.

Ideal Pesticide – Racial harmony, enlightenment, journalistic freedom, good common sense, and the rule of law. Research shows that strikes, boycotts, protest marches and support of the international community can work to inhibit it. To permanently eradicate this pest, introduce free and fair elections.

FRANKUS CRAZIUS – This beast was introduced in the hope of eradicating COUP-COUP, but, like the cactoblastis moth in Australia, has become a pest in its own right. Its preferred form of attack is to have drones commit the actual attacking while it runs in the opposite direction and hides. Its scrawny, soft body is not suited to physical combat, but it survives thanks to hidden weaponry and the support of its drones. It has a symbiotic relationship with Chodous Horribilus. Frankus Crazius survives off ill-gotten gains from innocent taxpayers and imported cash from India and China. Identifiable by unintelligible rants and constant self-contradiction, it is attracted to money and power which, on contact, causes it to transform into its altered state of DICTATOR VULGARIS.  Recent events have seen the beast make the transformation permanently.  In this state, when it is faced with its own mistakes, Dictator Vulgaris is susceptible to bouts of weeping, paranoia, and unmitigated fury which it takes out on those around it rather than admitting that it is in the wrong.

Ideal Pesticide – Cannot survive in the presence of free and fair elections. When confronted by its natural enemy, Democracy, Frankus Crazius will sometimes attack rather than retreat. Will retreat when challenged by a larger aggressor with more sophisticated weaponry, or when instructed to do so by Chodous Horribilus. Fears public protest of any kind.

LAWRIS ANARSUS – This pest has never fully emerged from its pupae state. A threat to the rule of law and the Constitution, Lawris Anarsus invades habitats of REPRESENTUS LEGALUS and JUSTICE EXCELSIUS, ejects the incumbent resident whereupon it proceeds to defecate all over the premises and immediate surrounds. It defends the habitats of Chodous Horribilus and Frankus Crazius, including when it enters its altered state, Dictator Vulgaris, and other minor pests, FHRC Shiteus, Militarus Freeloadus, Cheapus Chiefs, Purchust Judgus and Detritus Foreignus Suckus Dry.

Ideal Pesticide – Shuns free and fair elections. Will not survive in any freely elected government.

God bless Fiji